


To Act

by artikgato



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, gay thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:08:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26664190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artikgato/pseuds/artikgato
Summary: The first time Yosuke Hanamura thinks about Yu Narukami like *that*, it’s early on in their friendship.
Relationships: Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Hanamura Yosuke/Persona 4 Protagonist, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 150





	To Act

The first time Yosuke Hanamura thinks about Yu Narukami like _that_ , it’s early on in their friendship. They had paused for a breather after a tough battle in Yukiko’s castle. Yu had wiped some sweat off of his forehead with the back of his hand, and at the time Yosuke had just thought about how cool it made the other teen look. At home later that night had been a different story. In the midst of mental images of scantily clad women, Yosuke had thought back to the way Yu had looked, sweaty and panting. To his shock and utter embarrassment, he came almost immediately. 

After that, Yosuke had tried to avoid looking at Yu post-battle. Tried and _failed_ , rather spectacularly. In Yosuke’s defense, Yu was a very attractive and cool guy. Objectively, of course. Even he, a completely heterosexual guy, could admit that, right?

...the problem was, it just kept happening. Yosuke’s thoughts strayed to his Partner more and more often while he was jerking off. It was getting more and more difficult for him to get off with dirty thoughts alone. It was also getting harder and harder to look Yu in the eyes, those days. 

Yu got hit hard once and had a little trickle of blood in the corner of his mouth. Yosuke’s mind had easily been able to replace that trickle of blood with something else later that night. From there it had been far too easy to picture him on his knees.

Another time he’d been knocked flat on his back from an unlucky super-effective attack. Yosuke had been by his side right away, and as a result he’d gotten a _great_ view of Yu prone and vulnerable and laid out in front of him like a damn feast. Guiltily, ashamedly, he’d thought about having Yu like that, _taking_ Yu like that, prone and vulnerable. His orgasm that night had been _intense_.

But he was straight, right? 

Kanji had been thrown into the TV not long after that, and Yosuke had violently thrown himself into the proverbial closet, locked it from the inside, and swallowed the key. 

And then the camping trip had happened.

Yosuke _wasn’t_ scared of Kanji… well, _mostly_ , but he was curious about how _Yu_ felt about the whole liking guys situation. So he’d made a joke — a _terrible_ joke, even he could acknowledge that — and tested the waters. And Yu had said, basically, that he wasn’t like that. And so, Yosuke had boarded up the closet door for good.

Or so he thought.

The real problem was that his libido just didn’t seem to get the message that Yu was off the table. That _guys_ were off the table. It didn’t seem to matter how much porn he looked at, how many slutty nurse fetish magazines he sneaked into his room. Nothing worked. Nothing _helped_. He just kept going back to that image of Yu wiping his brow. Blood trickling out of his mouth. Laid out flat on his back, vulnerable. Yosuke couldn’t stop. 

Fights got harder. Yu seemed to get hotter. And then Yosuke came up with a brilliant solution to his dilemma: he didn’t _want_ Yu, he was _jealous_ of Yu. Of course! He didn’t want to fuck him, he wanted to _fight_ him.

And so he did.

And that… didn’t help. It actually made things worse. Now he knew how it felt to be the reason Yu was wiping away sweat. To be the reason there was a little trickle of blood from a split lip. To be the reason he was laid out on his back, prone and panting for breath. It was unbearable. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to suck him off. He wanted to fuck him, right there on the bank of the Samegawa. The urge was almost too much. But he didn’t want to risk it, so he didn’t do any of that. He helped him up, he gave him a bandage, he thanked him, and he left. And he jerked off, later, like he was trying to get all the thoughts to leave him all at once by way of his dick.

They — him and his Partner and the Investigation Team — fought hard, taking down monsters and demons and gods, and a man who had sworn to serve and protect but killed and hurt and had done irreparable damage instead. They fought, and they won, and they dragged that crooked cop to justice. And then months passed. Yosuke never acted on his feelings, settling into them like a pair of shoes that were just a little too big, chafing and painful and awkward to wear. 

And then, all too soon, he was helping Yu pack boxes. 

And he still didn’t act.

And then, Yu was on the train platform, bag in hand, and Yosuke still couldn’t bring himself to act. So, Yu acted for him. He tugged the unsure Yosuke in for a hug, one he said Yosuke was long overdue for. Yosuke had no idea what he meant. He did feel Yu slip something into his coat pocket, though. To his credit, Yosuke didn’t read it until long after Yu was gone. 

> _Yosuke,_
> 
> _I’m a coward, and I’m sorry for that. I have feelings for you. I have for a long time. I regret that I never acted on them, that I’m telling you how much you mean to me through a letter and not in person. If you don’t return my feelings that’s all right, but please keep being my friend. And if you by chance return my feelings, you know how to reach me._
> 
> _I love you,_
> 
> _Partner_

Yosuke read and reread and re-re-read the letter. He opened Yu’s contact on his phone and hovered over the call button, unsure, for the better part of half an hour. He reread the letter. He thought about Yu, wiping sweat off of his forehead. He thought about how the image had invaded his thoughts. He thought about how many times he’d replayed that moment, dick in hand. He pushed the call button. 

“What the hell, man?!” he demanded as soon as Yu picked up. A nervous chuckle greeted him.

“Do you still want to be friends?” Yu asked.

“More than friends!” Yosuke snapped, irritated. “So much more! You jerk, do you know how long I’ve been in love with you? How many times I’ve jerked it to you since we met?? God, Partner, I…” 

“Really?” Yu asked, sounding very surprised. Shocked, even.

“Yes, really!” Yosuke all but shouted. He was lucky he was the only one home, his parents at work and Teddie off sulking with the others. He heard Yu take a breath.

“I’m still on the train,” he informed Yosuke. “Once I’m somewhere more private, we can have a more… in-depth discussion about this.”

“Good, yeah, okay,” Yosuke answered. He could feel himself calming down as Yu spoke. Yu always _had_ been able to affect him like that. “Just… shit, man, why didn’t you say something sooner? Like, _way_ sooner?” 

“I explained it in the letter, didn’t I? I’m a coward.”

“Bullshit!” Yosuke retorted. “Dude, you faced down terrifying things in the TV world and didn’t budge an inch!”

“And the fear I felt fighting them pales in comparison to how scary the idea of losing you is, Yosuke,” Yu replied. Yosuke was stunned speechless. “Hey, we’ll talk later, alright?” 

“Sounds good, partner,” he said. 

“Okay,” Yu agreed. He seemed to hesitate, and then continued, obliterating all of Yosuke’s coherent thoughts with just four words. “I love you, Yosuke.”

“I-I,” Yosuke stammered. “I love you too, Yu.”

Yosuke’s grin didn’t leave his face until he went to sleep that night. Not even when he shamelessly jerked it to the memory of Yu’s voice telling him that he loved him. _Especially_ not then.


End file.
